Drunk Cooking I

The New Zealand government had recently put out a campaign to try and halt drunk cooking. Apparently, drunk cooking makes you burn your house down and makes you make orphans die a spasmodic death. Actually, fuck, lemme brb,I gotta check my rings.

Ok, crisis averted, now that Juan is safe, where was he... Oh yeah, FUCK ORPHANS. If you are an orphan, fuck you, I would have died if I were your parent, too. But, on a more related note, whenever I am hammered out flatter than a Jew's gold payment, I always cook my mates a dank omelette. How to make the sweetest omelette ever? Well that's easy!

You will need:

2 eggs
some cheese
some fry pan
some oil
some alcohol

Step I: Drink all the alcohol with your mates.

Step II: Mix those eggs with the power of fork and cup. At this point, if you are making it for someone else, make that skank mix her own fucking eggs.

Step III: When the pan is hot enough, pour the skank-mixed egg into the pan.

Step IV: Make sure your pan is hot enough by dripping a little bit of egg from a fork into your pan. You should have oiled your pan, because you are poor and cannot afford non stick shit.

Step V: Tell your surrounding people a deep personal secret about the person you are making an omelette for. If this is you, make it as embarrassing as possible.

Step VI: Text someone. When drunk, people love to hear about what ever useless shit your foul ass is up to. Optionally, hit on your mates sister.

Step VII: Add the cheese to the spread out omelette laying spread eagle naked under your all powerful grip. Start referring to your omelette as female.

Step VIII: Carmen should be nearly done. Flip the half that you did not apply the cheese to onto the cheesed half. As you are awesome, you should have already put some bread in the toaster.

Step IX: You are in trouble from those texts you sent earlier.

Step X: ???!?/`~??~?~??~?~

Step XI: You, or your friend of choice is enjoying a golden brown, fluffy and delicious omelette on toast. Good job, space marine, you saved the day from the New Zealand Government yet again!


HYAH!